بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Nafsiya Reflections: The Coping Mechanism
In all societies today, there is a goal for success and measures of happiness linked to tangible things we attain in life.
From birth through childhood – going to school, the certificates we get, the job, the house, the car and even how we would spend our retirement or old age, a picture of success is painted and people aspire to this. We are told that the years before we are ladened with family responsibilities are the years where we can have fun, travel, or do what makes a person feel good and then it is time to settle down.
Mostly, this picture of ‘settling down’ includes – a spouse and 2 children, a nice house in the suburbs, holidays abroad and so on, all after going to a good university and getting a good job.
However, during the course of getting to any goal, a person may face obstacles and forces that are not in their own control. A sudden illness, accident, or various other matters may affect the outcome of what we expect to achieve. When we’re in school, we’re not really taught how to manage these ‘hiccups’ in life not knowing why we have to experience particular emotions, or in fact why there is a test or problem in the first place, can at times spiral into feelings that will cause extreme anxiety, depression and heartache. When these discussions are not raised in an enlightened manner, the answer to ‘why?’ can become problematic as we get older. Those who are not able to meet the mark in the success that was defined for them, may feel that they have failed.
The rates of depression in society, and the various stories of suicides of famous people are indicators of a growing number of people who were considered ‘successful’ by societal standards, but in reality, were extremely unhappy with the lives they led.
So, when the going gets tough – what is the state of mind that is able to overcome harsh realities and deal with sudden loss, or even success for that matter?
What is lacking in terms of thought, for today’s secular mindset? And does Islam say anything about the areas of life which are unknown or unseen to us?
The tests of life, whether it is the death of a family member, loss of one’s possessions, illnesses and so on, are mentioned in the Quran and the Seerah. These lessons give us a way to reflect and to motivate man. The story of Ayub (as) going through every kind of loss and affliction is just one example, but many other prophets are also mentioned and their tests could be their disobedient families, mockery from their people, jealousy and rejection, illnesses etc.
Through these examples, we are given a chance to relate and reflect upon the conceptual thinking that can be used as a tool to cope – whether it is the actions of worship to gain closeness to Allah (swt) or invoking HIM with particular Duas.
So let’s talk about the concepts that form the ‘coping mechanism’ for a believer:
There are many issues that are beyond man’s control. He cannot decide how long he will live and he cannot avoid disease altogether. He can’t control the wind, the rain, or an earthquake. He didn’t choose the family he was born into or even the colour of his skin.
This sphere that is beyond man’s control, is termed as Qadaa, and it contains all the issues that we cannot change or control in any way. This concept is a fundamental belief and we need to develop the correct understanding towards it.
The realisation of this concept helps us in accepting things that we cannot influence; and during times of hardship, a believer realises that Allah (swt) is the Ultimate in Might. So instead of dwelling on how ‘bad’ things are, the strong believer can see that their reality is a test and beyond their control, except the actions that they perform as a response to their trial. Hence, this concept makes one focus on what they are capable of, and what they can influence, thereby pushing them forward in a positive manner to fulfill their obligations.
The lack of this crucial concept leaves one searching for answers throughout their life, like the one who wonders, ‘but why did this have to happen to me?!’. So unless one accepts the Divine Decree (the Qadaa) from Allah (swt), one cannot make sense of how to cope and move on.
Another important concept is Tawakkul (trust in Allah) and is closely tied to the first one. This concept allows man to achieve things he could never have imagined. Just like when Musa (as) came to the sea while the army of Firawn behind him and the water was in front, and his people did not know where they would go. Just like when Ibrahim (as) was going to be flung into a fire that took months to build and would scorch the birds that cross the sky above it. Both these Prophets were assisted by Allah (swt) and they showed trust in Him.
Likewise, in our lives, we have times where it seems like there is no way out or the obstacles are too high and we are just lost. But in these moments the one who remembers, Hasbi Allahu wa ni’mal Wakeel ‘Allah Alone is sufficient for me and HE is the best Disposer of all affairs’ – will find a way out.
The clear concept of our rizq i.e all the things we use and benefit from in life – means when huge losses in wealth occur which we could not foresee or prevent, we remind ourselves “This is from Allah”
When a close family member is ill and we have no way to alleviate their pain we remind ourselves, “This is from Allah”.
When we just feel like our life is not going anywhere, we can stop, reflect and remind ourselves. “This is from Allah”
Despite the concepts that can assist us, Muslims today, live in a secular capitalist society where the idea of submission to a Creator is detached from life’s affairs. The secular education system is devoid of any concepts that contextualise the trials of life, and do not link them to mankind’s purpose in life.
On the contrary, secular society instills ideas in individuals, such as – ‘create the life you want to lead’, and when a problem strikes, a person’s first response is, ‘why me?’ and so on. There is no conceptual building about the ‘greater plan’ that the Creator (swt) has for HIS beings, and how HE loves those whom HE tests.
Hence the eventuality where countless individuals fall into anxiety and depression. Of course, without concepts that drive our perspective in life, we can only just assess our trials on a superficial basis.
Allah (swt) states a concept in Surah Al Baqarah that can build a very strong mentality.
Bismillah Ir Rahman Nir raheem
( لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللّٰهُ نَفْسًا اِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۗ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا اكْتَسَبَتْ ۗ)
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear (Surah al Baqarah 286)
Meaning, our tests can be managed with patience and perseverance. Undeniably, the concepts of Tawakkul, Rizq min Allah, Qadar wal Qadar and other vital concepts that form the backbone of a sound Islamic mentality – can only seep into the fabric of a society under an Islamic education system, as part of a comprehensive Islamic Khilafah rule.
We pray to Allah (swt), to grant us the glory of Islam, which will restore the profound Islamic concepts in our lands – concepts that form the coping mechanism for life. Ameen.
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